For The Ones Who Won’t Settle For Shallow
When I first moved onto this land, I thought the hardest part would be building cabins and getting food to grow. I believed I was ready—prepared to meet the land with devotion, intuition, and resilience. But what I wasn’t prepared for was how this process would break open the hard ground within me and reveal even deeper roots of what I thought I’d left behind.
It’s easy to talk about creating something new—a more connected way of living, a world in harmony with itself. Some people like to package this idea as a “New Earth,” promising an easy escape into enlightenment and bliss. But that’s not what I’m here for.
I’m not interested in trading one illusion for another.
A student once told me that my work is like a sharp knife - it isn’t about manifesting your dreams, analyzing shadows, or chasing spiritual highs—it’s about getting your hands dirty, facing hard truths, and re-learning how to belong to the land and each other.
One of my mentors posted a Reel recently talking about how often “Secure, Healthy Attachment” is dropped by so-called experts that lack any connection to their ancestral lands. That really resonated. Secure attachment doesnʻt come from a formula; it's something we inherit when we know we belong to the land, our stories, and to the connections that ground us.
How can we find secure attachment with a legacy of rupture?
Geography taught me to see the worldʻs problems up close, Advaita Vedanta showed me the threads connecting it all, and Tantra, somatics, and a life in practice brought it into my body. But itʻs more than just learning about the world, being intentional, knowing weʻre all connected, or being reminded of our humanness. Decades of study and practice have shaped how I live. I feel grounded in my place within the universe, rooted here in this body. But,
Dominant culture creates rupture - it's hard to feel securely attached in a world where safety is built on extraction, hoarding, and shallow ties that meet basic needs, but never feed the soul.
Over time, my sense of place here on earth has become more rooted, especially since I started looking back to a time before my ancestors were severed from their land, culture, and language. Before they were forced to serve an empire until it became so ingrained that force was no longer needed.
If you want to build something real, you have to be willing to dismantle what isn’t. This means digging up the roots of control and separation, facing the old systems within us, and relearning what it means to be in right relationship.
Where the Roots Run Deep
To go beyond the shallow we need to be able to identify, digest and integrate—
The part that tries to control and conquer, even with good intentions.
The one who craves comfort and validation, that endless need to feel like youʻre doing enough.
The part that judges others, holding them to impossible standards as a way to feel superior.
The weight of trying to save the world so we feel safe and needed, instead of genuinely serving it.
These patterns aren’t personal failings—they’re reflections of the systems we were raised in.
Someone who’s been coming to classes and circles since I began teaching works a very stressful, very technical, “masculine job” with many “masculine men”. They told me that swallowing their feelings and biting their tongue feels like a necessity for survival, even though they logically know it makes them feel sick. They said it takes a lot of intentional practice, and time spent in “anti-delusion” spaces for them to not feel defeated.
We’ve all been shaped by a culture that teaches us to measure our worth by what we achieve, to strive for control when we feel powerless, and to close ourselves off when we feel vulnerable.
When you sit in Circle, you uncover a surprising truth: those “flaws” and so-called personal failures youʻve been carrying around arenʻt just yours alone - theyʻre part of a hidden pattern woven throughout our lives, a collective struggle many of us face
You might recognize these patterns in yourself:
The need to prove your worth through busyness and productivity.
The urge to control situations or people when uncertainty feels overwhelming.
The impulse to judge others who don’t meet your standards, as a way of protecting yourself from being judged.
The sense of responsibility to fix things that aren’t yours to fix, driven by a fear of not being needed.
If you feel seen in any of this, know that you’re not alone. These patterns are deeply ingrained, and they don’t disappear just because we decide to live differently.
So, let’s be honest:
Where do these patterns live in you?
What are they keeping you from seeing or choosing?
Reclaiming Our Wildness Requires Ruthless Honesty
To reclaim your roots, you’ll need to stop feeding the systems you say you oppose. This requires ruthless honesty about where your actions and intentions don’t align. You’ll need to recognize when you’re slipping back into old ways of being and choose differently, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Practice: Grounding in Reality
Find a quiet place outdoors, sit on the ground, and take in your surroundings. Notice where you feel tension or resistance.
Imagine the roots of the trees, and plants around you—slow and steady, growing unseen.
Ask yourself:
Where am I holding on too tightly?
What would it look like to root myself in trust instead of control?
An Invitation to Those Ready to Go Deeper
If you’re tired of the shallow promises and ready to dig into the real work of healing and reconnecting, this journey is for you. This work is about more than self-improvement or finding peace—it’s about taking down what isn’t real and rebuilding our place in the world from the ground up.
Join me on Substack as we explore the work of reclaiming our wild selves, healing inherited disconnections, and creating systems of care that hold us all.
Subscribe to Reflections From the Roots to receive grounded insights, practices, and real conversations about what it takes to live with intention and integrity. Together, we’ll cultivate resilience, deepen our connections, and rewild our way forward.
Next week, we’ll explore what it means to let go of control and trust what’s beneath the surface. Until then, take time to observe your own roots and ask where you’re ready to create space for something new to grow.
If you’re ready to dig deep, embrace discomfort, and build something real - Subscribe to stay connected to what matters.
Wishing you clarity and courage,
Lori 🌿